A Culture of Bullying

We tend to think that bullying comes from a person's background, how they were raised, their nature or from being abused. I recently read a study that was done on bullying. What I want to know is how did bullying become so pervasive and is it really a "top-down" phenomenon. In other words, is it just in schools or is it how we function in our world.

In this study, researches examined thirty sample populations or "teams" consisting of twenty individuals each. In each of these teams, a leader was selected. Not just any leader would do. The population of leaders selected had to be very diverse so that the results wouldn't be skewed why race, age or background. The leaders were selected to represent a variety of traits. Each leader was a different age and gender as well as being from different ethnic and economic backgrounds.

The leader then had to form a line with the shortest to the tallest, using every person on the team. The "leader" was the only one who could move  members of the team into position. The leader had absolute power. There was also a cash price to the team that formed a perfect line.

Team members could be heard criticizing the leader saying things like, "We'll never win now" or "who picked him?" Researchers found that roughly 80% of all cases in which such remarks were made, the team leader immediately entered bully mode, saying things like "shut up", "Just do what I say" or "There's a reason that I'm the boss here."When things became very tense, the team leader could be heard asking a team member if he wanted to get hurt.

The conclusion of this study was that people aren't necessarily born bullies nor does buying come from a person's background, ethnicity or socio-economic status. We all have a part of us that can become a bully. but most of us have learned how to control that behavior or realized that we don't like to be like that. The study concludes that bullying doesn't come from within, it comes from without.

This got me to thinking about bullying. I was an elementary teacher and bullying was a constant topic. How to teach children not to bully, how to stop bullying and so on. Well, here is what I think. I think that bullying is a cultural problem that we all suffer from. In my first grade class, and all teachers please tell me it isn't so, one of the biggest parts of my job was to make sure these very small children walked in a  perfect line without talking in the school's hallways. I would be very ashamed if the principal or another teacher walked by and my line was talking or out of order. These were 6 and 7 year old kids.

I think that we're all being bullied. We're bullied by the government, we're bullied by our neighbors, we're bullied by our peers and so on. This is not just a child's issue, its a societal issue. Many school principals are bullies because they've been pressured from above. Kids are learning to be bullies through their teachers who are bullied by school principals who are bullied by administrators who are being bullied by… and it just goes on.

Bullying is how most people get by. Christmas is coming up and all I can see are the crowds of people pushing each other out of the way to get what they want. They turn into bullies to get what they want because retail stores feel pressure to make more money so they've created situations where this will occur.

The only way that I can see a way out of this is through a surrender to love. I know you're probably saying to yourselves, "what?" But if we truly learn to tap into ourselves and love ourselves and are good to ourselves then we can be good to others. If we're good to others it has a domino effect. Then others are good to others. If we take time to be of service in our community, then we are combating bullying. Those people that we are serving will begin to serve others and it will be in a loving way just like we are doing.

 I once heard a very wise woman say that the war we see around us is a reflection of the war within us. Centering ourselves and meditating causes us to be peaceful and serene. That energy is contagious. It really is only through prayer that we can change how things are. We can raise our consciousness to understand that bullying isn't just a "child's issue", it's a societal issue and it's a reflection of how we treat ourselves and others.

The Garden and Cultural Connections

      Yesterday I came home and found that my whole garden had been flattened.  The tiny arugula leaves were butchered.  The snow peas; decimated. The mint; pulverized. The squash, gone. I had planted each seed and with each bit of soil that embedded itself into my fingernails, I grew. The little plants were fragile and so was I.  And each time I went outside, I knew it was going to be okay. The plants grew and I grew here and we were connected; Here.

What Happened?

Please raise your hand if you know what haolie is.  What about pakalolo? Okay, how about pinche? Or, saranghaeyo?

Haole is a Hawaiian word that refers to anybody that is not a native.

Pakalolo is the Hawaiian word for pot.

Pinche is spanish for the "f" word.

Saranghaeyo is "I love you" in Korean.

Lo tso is the Navajo word for shark.


I have heard that when the American Natives were moved from their homes that their language was so embedded in the landscape and weather patterns, that they lost a good portion of their language and how they communicated.  If anybody has a story about this, I'd really love to hear and learn more.

When I heard that story, I realized that my cultural ques are missing.  Perhaps the yardman who chopped down the garden has lost his connection.  Why should I think that the mint is valuable, maybe he doesn't and was preforming a loving act in my benefit.

Sometimes it works the other way around.  We take our language and cultural ques and impose them.  I'm teaching a young Japanese woman how to speak English.  We've become comfortable with each other, enough so that she cried when she told me that the name they put on her passport isn't her name.  She asked me if she should change her name. She tried to show me how to pronounce her name and I had difficulty.

Yesterday at my writers group, I noticed that many writers use words such as "haole" and other Hawaiian terms that no one else would know if they didn't live here.  They took it for granted that their language was every one's language.


My yardman is in a lot of trouble.  I loved that garden and my heart if broken, but I also know that he, in his heart, was doing his job.  Now we just need to communicate.

Mango Pickin' Day at Pakanu St.

MANGO PICKIN' DAY

Who would have ever thunk I would say

"It's Mango Pickin' day?" I certainly never would have thought I would but now I say things like, "I'm going to the beach, bye" or "I've got to stop by and buy a lei". Who would have ever thought? Well in these here parts that's what we say.  

The dogs started barking early this morning, that would be about 9 am.

I looked out the door, thinking about all the stories in the paper lately of all the people who are being robbed, especially in my part of the hood. People are actually talking about locking their doors. (thanks to drugs) 

There was a woman and a boy/man standing on my porch step.

 (He had a moustache, but was about 15.) I immediately calculated if they looked like the pictures in the paper and decided that they didn't.  We said hello, and Lorretta (the mother) asked if she could pick some mangoes.  I thought, why not? I told them where to go and pretty soon, Koa, the son, was barefoot and up in the tree. (What a monkey, and flexible too.)

That's a fruit picker he's holding. Sam and I spent forty bucks on that thing at the first whiff of mango. He's about 3/4 of the way up the tree. "Hey Koa."

Well, pretty soon Sarah, his sister (and Loretta's daughter) decided to get out of the car.  So now there's Loretta, Koa, Sarah and of course, I brought the dogs down as well as myself.  

We then hear a shuffling in the bushes and out pops Sister Bala.

Meet Sister Bala.  She loves mangoes.  She's filipino and lives next door with her family.  Betty, who lives across the street (don't worry, she has her own mango tree) told me that Sister Bala's son, who works at one of the best "farm to table" restaurants, told her that Sister Bala was hungry for the mangoes. (We call this the "Coconut wireless" type of communication) So, of course, I walked all of 50 ft. to her house when the mangoes began to get ripe, and told her to come and get them whenever she wanted.  This has led to Sister Bala , who told me that my husband is my husband but when we get to heaven, he'll be my brother, occasionally shuffling under the palms to collect mangoes.  

It was a great mango pickin' day, and I hope all of you all will think about droppin' by and tasting a bit of heaven. Someone did. Well, I'm off for the 40 mile drive to Costco, need anything?

Then we stopped at "Bite Me" fish restaurant. There right in front of our table was this 585 lb. blue marlin otherwise known as lunch.

A glimpse into the hula tradition

Ka'Imi Na'auao O Hawai'i Nei

To Search for the truth of the Hawaiian Culture

   I sat in the dentist's office this morning and watched a young Hawaiian girl practice her steps as she waited for her appointment. I saw her counting off, crossing her feet, and whispering the movements to herself.  Her mother sat in the chair with her youngest and I could see her thinking to herself of all the generations that had done what her daughter was doing and that the young girl she held in her arms was going to be doing the same thing in several years.  I know.  She was probably thinking about her grocery list and how she'd love to get a massage, but that's what fantasies are for, right?  They inspire.

   I think Hawaiian people are some the most beautiful people I've ever seen.  This girl was no exception.  She was no more than fourteen and her skin was the color of maple syrup.  It was smooth and glowing.  Her hair was up in a ponytail but you could tell, it would almost hang down her back.  Her lips were full and voluptuous and curved easily into a smile.  Her eyes were dark brown and glowed.  Frankly, she was beautiful.

   I'm from New Mexico where there are 19 pueblos and 3 reservations.  The young Native people are angry and fighting for their own sovereignty and liberation as they plunge themselves into what their grandmothers and forefathers have done for hundreds of years.  The traditions are sacred and often secret.  The whole culture is embedded in unison with the earth and its movements and seasonal changes. There are particular costumes for dances and art forms that are passed from elder to child. Young people are fighting to reclaim their language and trying to teach it to their children. It is the same in Hawaii.

    The Hula

   I really have no right to write about Hula or Hawaiian culture.  I don't know very much.  I've only lived here for a short while.  That's my disclaimer before I begin.

   The Hula has been part of Hawaiian culture since ancient times.  Its beginnings are linked to number of gods and humans.  There are many mythical characters such as Hi'iaka who is considered as the first dancer.  Others call Kapo'ulakina'u the first divine patron of hula, or tell the story of Keaomelemele as the foundation myth of dance.  There are many mythical connections to hula and many stories associated with it's beginnings.  So there's really no way to know except through the first documentations, most of which were done by the famous white sailor, Captain Cook and of course, he could never translate the true meanings of the Hawaiian language or its customs. the Hawaiian language is like so many native languages.  If you're not a native speaker, much of the nuances of the language will be missed.  Trying to translate into English is almost impossible.

  What is clear, is that hula is spiritual.  All creation, including things moderns call inanimate, are regarded as having life.  This is called mana and everyone and everything has it. The preservation of spiritual and genealogical purity was as much a concern for the Hawaiians of this era as it has been for all Native cultures living today. As Hollywood and Elvis infiltrated the island and made hula conform to their own purposes and fantasies, many traditions appeared to be lost.
   

A Little Background

  In the 1960's, a group of Hilo ( a town on the east side of the Big Island) businesspeople, wanting to attract tourists during the normally slow season of March-April, decided to organize a festival of local culture.  On the advice of cultural practitioners concerned about the increasingly haole (a reference to non-native people) character of Hawaiian culture in general and of hula in particular, they created the Merrie Monarch competition.  It was created in honor of King David Kalakaua, and has become a major event on the island that includes dancers from all of the islands as well as several locations on the mainland.  The Merrie Monarch Festival is a week-long cultural festival that takes place annually in Hilo, Hawaii. It honors King David Kalākaua, who was called the "Merrie Monarch" for his patronage of the arts. He is credited with restoring many Hawaiian cultural traditions during his reign, including the hula. Many hālau hula (schools), including some from the U.S. mainland and Japan, attend the festival each year to participate in the festival exhibitions and competitions, which are considered the most prestigious of all hula contests.

Today, Hula continues to evolve and spread.  Children here are seen practicing hula like the young girl that I saw in the dentist's office in schools, community centers and many different places.  Hula is no longer just a show for tourists.  Hula has reclaimed it's "mana" and is revered as a sacred form of prayer.  Young people learning hula cannot participate in the Merrie Monarch until they've been dancing for at least five years. 

Merrie Monarch video 2012 Where is hula Today?           click to see video.