Bonnie's Surprise

Bonnie's Surprise is a story full of hope and love. Bonnie has to figure out what she's' going to do after Jeff turns her world upside down.

This Friday, Decemeber 20th, Bonnie's Surprise will be free for 24 hours. It's a wonderful short story.

"beautifully written" 

Knobby

"Uplifting"

Catherine Algrin

"Fun, captivating"

"exceptional writing.

Linda

Merry Christmas , I hope love fills all of your hearts and that goodness comes to you always.

Christmas and Love

I find that this time of year, I'm more sensitive and susceptable to expectations and trying to make everything right. For What? Well for that one moment they call Christmas.

When I was a child, it was the moment I waited for for what seemed forever that finally came early in the morning on December 25th when I'd run to the living room to see what Santa had brought me. So exciting, so much anticipation, it was great.

Now that I'm older, Christmas has taken on a much deeper meaning. Today, I'm thinking about the world and all of it's inhabitants. I'm praying for peace and for an end to hunger. I'm also praying that all people everywhere can have love in their hearts and be kind to each other.

On Dec. 13, I'll be offering Bonnie's Surprise on Amazon for free. This is a story about two people who find themselves falling in love when they least expected it. It's a story about the sweetness of love and how it can enter your heart at any moment.
I hope you enjoy it.

Bonnie's Surprise

When my grand daughter was about 10 or so, I saw her face go suddenly pale. Truly, I thought she was going to faint.  We were in a hotel in Santa Fe, New Mexico and had been having a great time, so I couldn't figure what was the matter.

"Nancy? What's wrong honey?"

"Grandma," her eyes filled with tears, "I think I have a crush."


The  story for Bonnie's Surprise came a similar type of situation. The only difference was that the person who told me that story wasn't 10. They were  70 years older than that and it struck me how love works. It doesn't matter if your 2 or 100, when love strikes, it takes over your life, it changes the colors of the world, it changes you, and you can barely think straight. That's why I wrote the story, to show that love is amazing in it's power on us.


Starting Friday night, Dec. 6th at midnight through the next day, Dec. 7 at midnight, I'll be offering Bonnie's Surprise for free again.

I hope you enjoy the story, please let me know what you think.

A Culture of Bullying

We tend to think that bullying comes from a person's background, how they were raised, their nature or from being abused. I recently read a study that was done on bullying. What I want to know is how did bullying become so pervasive and is it really a "top-down" phenomenon. In other words, is it just in schools or is it how we function in our world.

In this study, researches examined thirty sample populations or "teams" consisting of twenty individuals each. In each of these teams, a leader was selected. Not just any leader would do. The population of leaders selected had to be very diverse so that the results wouldn't be skewed why race, age or background. The leaders were selected to represent a variety of traits. Each leader was a different age and gender as well as being from different ethnic and economic backgrounds.

The leader then had to form a line with the shortest to the tallest, using every person on the team. The "leader" was the only one who could move  members of the team into position. The leader had absolute power. There was also a cash price to the team that formed a perfect line.

Team members could be heard criticizing the leader saying things like, "We'll never win now" or "who picked him?" Researchers found that roughly 80% of all cases in which such remarks were made, the team leader immediately entered bully mode, saying things like "shut up", "Just do what I say" or "There's a reason that I'm the boss here."When things became very tense, the team leader could be heard asking a team member if he wanted to get hurt.

The conclusion of this study was that people aren't necessarily born bullies nor does buying come from a person's background, ethnicity or socio-economic status. We all have a part of us that can become a bully. but most of us have learned how to control that behavior or realized that we don't like to be like that. The study concludes that bullying doesn't come from within, it comes from without.

This got me to thinking about bullying. I was an elementary teacher and bullying was a constant topic. How to teach children not to bully, how to stop bullying and so on. Well, here is what I think. I think that bullying is a cultural problem that we all suffer from. In my first grade class, and all teachers please tell me it isn't so, one of the biggest parts of my job was to make sure these very small children walked in a  perfect line without talking in the school's hallways. I would be very ashamed if the principal or another teacher walked by and my line was talking or out of order. These were 6 and 7 year old kids.

I think that we're all being bullied. We're bullied by the government, we're bullied by our neighbors, we're bullied by our peers and so on. This is not just a child's issue, its a societal issue. Many school principals are bullies because they've been pressured from above. Kids are learning to be bullies through their teachers who are bullied by school principals who are bullied by administrators who are being bullied by… and it just goes on.

Bullying is how most people get by. Christmas is coming up and all I can see are the crowds of people pushing each other out of the way to get what they want. They turn into bullies to get what they want because retail stores feel pressure to make more money so they've created situations where this will occur.

The only way that I can see a way out of this is through a surrender to love. I know you're probably saying to yourselves, "what?" But if we truly learn to tap into ourselves and love ourselves and are good to ourselves then we can be good to others. If we're good to others it has a domino effect. Then others are good to others. If we take time to be of service in our community, then we are combating bullying. Those people that we are serving will begin to serve others and it will be in a loving way just like we are doing.

 I once heard a very wise woman say that the war we see around us is a reflection of the war within us. Centering ourselves and meditating causes us to be peaceful and serene. That energy is contagious. It really is only through prayer that we can change how things are. We can raise our consciousness to understand that bullying isn't just a "child's issue", it's a societal issue and it's a reflection of how we treat ourselves and others.

Surprising Connections

I don't know why I'm surprised, but I am. Today, I met with the woman who is an amazing artist. We had lunch and it was so nice to hang out with her. We'd met through a mutual friend and  I had let her read the first twenty or so pages so she could get an idea of what the book was about. 

Naturally, I asked her what she thought. She told me that she had been abused most of her life and she identified with Merili. She then went on to tell me her story and it was powerful. She survived.

As I was speaking with another woman who I'd met along the path and she told me about a family member who is suffering from alcoholism. She told me part of her story and it was heartrending. I could see how she and her family were suffering and being affected by the disease. She's anxious to find out how Merili gets through her issues of abuse and addiction.

I know that  the reason God gave me this book to write was because people needed to read about it. I remember watching an Oprah show about a woman who was in an abusive relationship. Oprah asked her why she stayed. At the deepest part of my soul, I knew why. It's not that easy to leave, in fact, it's very hard. Telling someone that they should leave is almost like telling them to clean their glasses if they're blind.

A person who is caught in a spiral of addiction or is in an abusive relationship has to connect with a deep part of herself or himself that they don't even know is there. They have to believe that they don't deserve to live in the hell where they are. Not only that, they have to find an inner strength and a connection with a power greater than themselves who can help. It takes a willingness to be different and also a true dedication to allowing their lives to change which isn't always comfortable, especially if you don't know how your life is going to change.

I'm anxious to meet others who are going to relate to Merili's Wine and who are waiting for the story to be told. I'm glad that God is showing me that it's worth it.

photos taken by Sam Cudney

The Prayer

I just launched the cover of "The Prayer", a short story I wrote.

Tomorrow, Nov. 5, 2013, the story will be available for .99 on Amazon. This is so exciting I can't tell you. Basically, we're practicing to get Merili published. And, I want to share my other work as well.

Please support me by sharing my posts and making comments. Reviews are also awesome.

Visit  Facebook and tomorrow-Amazon. Yeah!   facebook/amaracudneyauthor.com

I've posted the first 500 words of Merili's Wine on her facebook page. https://www.facebook.com/MerilisWine

I'd really like to hear what you all think. I'm looking for honest feedback.

And just a heads up I'm also looking for a cover designer and an editor. I'm laying this desire in God's hands and praying that I'm led to them and that they are led to me.

Have a great weekend.

Missing Merili

It's been almost three weeks since I visited Merili. I gave her my word that I'd stay away and let her rest. Do you think I'm crazy? I miss her so much. I can hardly wait to see her again next week.

It'll be time to do some editing, clean up some stuff and all that other housecleaning.

I want to send a special thanks out to Lizzie Ford, author of The Rhyn Series as well as the Witchling Series and many more books (available on Amazon). She gifted me with two books about digital publishing. I reading like crazy, hoping to be done by next week. My daughter told me about her and I wrote her on Facebook. She responded right away and then gave me the books.

This is going to be so much fun. Don't forget to go to meriliswine@facebook this weekend to check out the first 500 words. Let me know if you like it.

What does Merili want?

It is so true. I'm actually having anxiety about this. You see, last week I finished the book. Well, I finished the 2nd draft. It's no where near ready, but the meat of it is complete. So where do I go now?

Let me tell you. Everyone has an opinion. You'll never get it published. Digital's the way to go. E publishing's the way to go. Okay, Okay.

What I'm finding out is that when you're ready to take the next steps, there are tons of people that will help you. The important thing is to listen to your heart and listen to your protagonist. They've been your best friend for at least a year, right?

You do have to learn. I feel like I'm in graduate school. I spend about four hours a day just researching, learning, reading, and talking to people. Amazing things are happening. My daughter told me about an author, Lizzie Ford, and I Facebooked her. She wrote back and gifted me two books on e publishing. People are offering to help. It's the way we are no a days. A connected community.

This week, I'm learning how to twitter, make a web page, do Linkedin, create an author page, pick up this blog and how to let the process flow. I am so excited about how its all going to work out. I feel to deeply about this. Merili will find a way. Look for the first 500 words at meriliswine@facebook.com this coming weekend. And thanks for all of your support and friendship. It means the world to me.

What is the story about?

I signed up for a class on "Finding a Literary Agent" and was very excited. When the first assignment came, it was great. There were many questions on a questionnaire and I filled them all out and proudly sent them to the teacher.

The next week we got out second assignment. Write your query letter. It had directions, examples and all the tools you could ask for. I think I flunked. I sent in two query letters and neither one was really deemed as "great", but rather, keep trying, you'll get it."

I'm having so much trouble trying to tell you what Merili is about.

Merili, for me, is about a woman and those in her life, who get caught up in alcoholism, sex addiction and rage and each of them reaches a pivotal moment in their lives when they realize that they can't go on. The story unravels how each of them struggles with their addiction, their anger, their hurt and their losses and what that process looks like. We each might have ideas about why people get caught up in these impossible situations and wonder how did they ever get there? Wine is about those processes and how there's not always happy endings and that sometimes, there is loss and deep grief, but always an inner strength and a new way to live emerge as those that make it, those that don't die or end up in institutions, survive to find a new life with a deeper meaning.

That is really the story of Merili. It all started when I heard a woman say that her husband had spilled a glass of wine on her head and then went on to act as if that happened everyday. It hit me so hard that I started writing as soon as I got home. I thought it would be a short story. I'd never written a book in my whole life. Well, now I have. The story, long ago, veered away from this woman's tale. I see this woman occasionally and it's sad because her husband is still abusing her and she still drinks. I don't spend a lot of time with her, for one thing, its just a little too weird, and she travels back and forth from the island. I've moved on, I guess.

So, now I'm reading a ton of book descriptions on Amazon and perusing Publishers Marketplace everyday looking at the "deals". Guess what people?  Tons of books are still being published. Mine is just not "ripe" yet.

I actually decided I didn't like that agent. She really never helped me. See, here's the thing. There's a whole cottage industry that's come out of epublishing and digital publishing. Some of it is really great, but a lot of it isn't. Be careful what you get into. The same things could be available for free or close to it.

I wrote a book, now what

The Hungry Writer's Guide to Tracking and Capturing a Literary Agent

Query.doc.1
query.doc.2, etc.

How am I doing?
Can anybody see me?

What do you think?
Is it good enough?

Why am I doing this?
Is it good?

Okay, my darlings, what I'm starting to figure out, is that it is the "early bird that gets the worm", it is "the squeaky wheel that gets the oil"......

What matters, is that you keep going and going and going. I thought I  had climbed Mount Everest when I reached 47,000 words. Nope, just the foothill, I came to find out. You need at least 65,000 for anyone to take you serious.

Writing is hard, hard work. But its fun work. You get to see everything in life as a story. You get to ask yourself, how would I write about that or that? Would anyone believe me about that?

It really is doing the background check. Right now, I'm scrolling through 100's of agents on Publishers Marketplace finding out who is doing what and what they are doing. I'm getting to know them by their genre's and by the authors they represent.

Oh yeah, I guess I could have gotten Merili self-published, I still might, but for about the same amount of money, I'm learning so much. What can I say, I'm having a terrifyingly good time.

Your Search is Over.

The publisher for you is just a few clicks away. Right?

NOT!!!!!!!

How many books do you have to buy before you know what God wants for you?

Who's that guy?  He looks mean, and I'm scared of him. Amara, you're regressing, stop it. Okay, but is he an agent?

This is my title page and it's all over my office and my house. It's the cover for my book, Merili's Wine.

I had lunch with a woman several months ago and she told me a story, well, not a story story, but something that had happened in her life. I must have stared at her with my mouth wide open. After she dropped this deeply moving "bomb" on me, she simply continued eating her lettuce as though nothing were wrong.

I came home after that lunch knowing that I had to write about it. Little did I know that it wasn't just going to be a short story. I think I started in July and it's now March. I'm working on the second draft and I've started an online class on "How to Find a Literary Agent." I don't know where all of this will go, but I feel committed to my book and to the story. They say if you don't do anything, time passes. Might as well do something, you have nothing to lose. This story literally fell out of me.

There were days when I would finish writing and I'd go to see Sam and I felt like I would be frothing in my mouth. I was so esconsed in the character. At that time I had a coach and he suggested that I make an outline. That helped to create some space for me. The story still felt like it was falling out of me faster than I could write it. It literally took over my life.

Some days, I think I must just be filling time. I read my work and think, "what a mess". Other days tears fall down my cheeks as I read how Merili succumbs to Dan's brutality. Although this started out as  my friend's story, it has become a story of so many women, so many people.

Addiction and abuse go hand in hand and yet, its rarely talked about. Merili didn't mean to become an alcoholic, Lisa didn't mean to hit the little boy with her car, Dan didn't mean to punch Sarah, but it all happened. In AA they say the disease is "cunning, baffling, and powerful.

Stay tuned for my next blog to keep you up to date.

             

Fun Day

Friday

artbydiana.com

Meet Diana Shepherd, one of my friends and one of the most phenomenal sculptresses on the scene today.  Diana has won several awards  for her work, all the way from Korea to St. Augustine, Florida where she is currently living.

Diana working on a piece in Albuquerque, New Mexico    

Awards

Jacksonville Coalition for the Visual Arts

Juried Fall Show Oct. 5-27, 2011

Gallery L, Wells Fargo Bldg.

Jacksonville, Florida

“Best in Show”

“Three Sisters, Happy, Joy and Free” Bronze sculpture

 

Juror Jason John, Asst. Prof. of Painting and Drawing, UNF

Juror’s statement:

“Throughout all the pieces of this particular exhibition, three pieces really stood out to me.  Diana Shepherd’s “Three sisters, Happy, Joy and Free” was remarkable for the piece’s depiction of individual expression when overcoming a difficult life obstacle.  I might not be able to articulate what the 3 sister’s were celebrating, but my mind contemplated the celebration of a true life victory.  I believe that all good art sends us into a direction without completely answering all the questions for the viewer.  As a viewer I wanted to know the reason for the celebration, but not knowing why the three sister’s were so ecstatic, made me content with the moment and enjoy this celebration for what it is.”

_____________________________________________

10th annual Tactile Art Show

October 7th-30th

St. Augustine Art Association

“Best in Show Jean Wagner Troemel Award”

“Esmerelda and her Little dog Toto”

 

Juror, Nofa F Dixon, Assoc. Prof.

Dept. of Art and Design, Univ. of North Florida

Juror’s Statement;

I always enjoy the process of evaluating artwork for exhibitions.  It is a task I take very seriously.  I take into consideration the skill level, good use of material, consistency, the overall aesthetic of the work and how well it fits into the theme of the exhibition.   Usually the element of texture can be real or implied.  However in this show, given the purpose of the exhibit, the texture is very real.  Although this exhibit was less complicated than most to judge, I found that assigning awards was somewhat challenging.  I considered the level of sophistication of the work, it’s presentation and overall presence, as well as the introduction of humor to be important factors in the selection process.  I personally enjoyed the award winning pieces and want to commend all of the artists for their innovation and outstanding work.

 _____________________________________________

 _____________________________________________

CLAY, COLLAGE & CUTTING EDGE

March 4-27, 2011

St. Augustine Art Association

Second Place

“Red Hot Mama” Bathing Beauty

 

Juror, Alain Hentschel

Dean of Florida School of Arts Palatka, Florida

Newer Work

Interview with Diana Shepherd

   

Diana's pieces have always held a facination for me and when my blog started to take its direction towards discovering the "cool" factor in aging, I knew I wanted to present Diana to you.  She was excited to participate but I was really excited!.  

 I kept thinking of several of her pieces that depict women in a very unique way. I asked her what had inspired her to work with this particular theme. Here's what she told me.

I have always had a strong interest in the human form and how it communicates stories to us.  Through joy, contemplation, tragedy or an endless variety of human experiences, the figure, in it’s complexity, is a never ending source of fascination.  I find it intriguing how one can change a thought or emotion by the slightest manipulation of the clay.  Through sculpting the human figure I work to find a connection with the viewer.  My goal is to draw the viewer in, to relate their own stories through a shared emotion.  Sculpting the human form fills my imagination with possibilities and gives me a wonderful resource with which to communicate to the world.

About my work with the "Ladies"

“Best in Show” Jean Wagner Troemell Award

“Water Goddess’s”

These current pieces came about because I am dealing with becoming a woman "of a certain age".  I still feel vibrant and young, even though my body belies this certain fact, along with the mirror.  As my waistline expanded and my skin has become loose with extra lines, my bones creak and aches and pains have become part of my daily life, I notice that I have become"invisible" where I used to turn heads and attract attention on occasion.  Yet this is the point in life where I have done "it"...I have raised my children (and husband)...I have worked at a career to build a life...my obligations are diminished and I am able to relax at bit and enjoy the fruits of my labor.  I don't take things so seriously and have learned to deal with life on life's terms so much better.  Most aspects of life are without a doubt much more enjoyable...except for this age/body thing.  I look around at my peers and my future maturity and am finding an acceptance into this new phase of life.  This acceptance comes through my work...sculpting natural women that are full of joy, self acceptance and self esteem.  These sculptures are who I want to become.  There is a part of me in each of them as I struggle with my ego at not being a sweet young thing.  Reaching for the beauty of maturing in its entire.
In the Water Goddesses I have the Queen Bee, who is full of confidence and will be nobody's doormat!  She boldly jumps into life ready for new experiences not to be intimidated by anything.  Then there is the "Pampered Princess", (who of us doesn't want to be?!).  She has been there and done her part and now she has the expectation of being able to kick back and allow others to take care of things.  She will demand her due!  And then there is "Home Girl".  I am what I am is her motto.  She loves to laugh and tell dirty jokes.  Down to earth, with a live and let live attitude, she lives to love.  These are my hero's, who I strive to become, a vision of goals for myself.  I have been told to visualize what you want.  Through sculpting these particular figures I am seeking self acceptance and a direction to work toward.
With the "Bathing Beauties", once again I am working toward self acceptance, but in more of a sexual nature.  Along with this "maturity" comes a certain aspect of being both desirable with all the sags and rolls ("Red Hot Mama"), but also still has the ability to desire others ("Oh My...)!   We aren't dead yet girls!  There is beauty in aging that I am striving to grow in my own life.

-Diana Shepherd

As you can see, Diana is super talented and has converged with her muse to depict women in a new way.  I hope you enjoyed meeting my dear friend and that you'll visit her website. Until next time, Aloha.

Celebrating love. I love celebrating love. Out of all of the holidays, I can't think of one that I love better. I've been working hard at it too. I had a goal to publish a book of love poems this year, but it didn't work out that way. So I'd like to share a few that I especially love.

Winter Dusk

The room was quiet in the early evening, still after the birds had burrowed in the mango and the dogs lay on the floor in a stupor after their dinner,

I watched from the bed, sprawled and relaxed, as you got ready to go out with me, pulling your pants up and tucking your shirt in, your idea of fancy.

You had decided to grow your hair, you wanted a pony tail you said, and long strands fell across your brow, unmanageable explosions of silver and sun bleached gold, resisting conformity. you wore it pulled back, and wouldn’t have anything to do with the myriad of bottles of hair product I’d gotten for you. You brushed these locks away from you face, exposing wiry crinkled hairs growing out of your brows, popping out of your forehead, reaching for the stars. They had the appearance of having been waiting forever to be free, I wanted to cut them, they didn’t belong in our sanctuary,

But why disrupt this precious moment, as you reached down and took my face in your hands, whispering, “I love you so much”, before you kissed me.

  

Unrestrained Touch

We were in the grocery store the first time you slipped your hand underneath the waistband of my jeans and stroked my butt.

I jumped and stared at you. I told you to stop, believing you had no boundaries or social skills or something. I was shocked you didn’t realize that out of bed I was proper.

Now I’m sorry that time passed, I’m sorry that I asked you to stop. I don’t like being proper anymore, I’m bored with it.

Today, as I lie with the turtles at the beach, the sun warms my back and a trickle of sweat tickles me as it eases down the curve of my spine. Your brave hand slips between my legs and simply cracks the façade I worked so hard to keep, my lover moving with my swells, leaving me momentarily unrestrained.