What to Do When you Witness, Suspect child Abuse

As I lay in bed this morning, reading the paper and sipping my coffee, my brain just stopped when I read this letter to the editor.

Taken from a Hawaiian Newspaper, August 8, 2012

No Help Available

Yesterday I witnessed a man in the Walmart pick up his approximately 2-year old son by the top of his hair and throw him in a shopping cart, then slap him, slapping his other children, too, screaming at them.

I asked the clerk to please call security. she didn't want to get involved. Neither did the 40 or so people who were staring at this horrible scene saying, "Oh my God."

I had my grandson with me  and this was upsetting him.  The woman in the back of me kept saying somebody should do something.

The man continued to slap and hit and scream at all his children, while the mother did nothing.  I followed them out to the parking lot, as I watched him pick up the smaller kids by their hair and throw them in their van.  I called 911 and told them what I was witnessing.

I'm crying by now, I waited 20 minutes and no police came as I watched the van drive away.  

I can't imagine what must happen at home if this is what its like in public.  I called CYFD and told them what had happened when I got home and they told me they really couldn't do anything unless I could give them an address.

I watched commercials and read articles that say we must help the children if we suspect abuse.  So who do you call?

I pray the next time this happens and the right person is a witness, that something will be done and these children will have a better place to live.


     I remember being in the grocery store and witnessing a father abusing his son.  I too followed them out to their car and as I saw the man lean over the small child and grab him, I intervened and told him to stop treating his son that way.  He turned to me and glared, grabbed the boy and threw him in the car and left.  For the rest of that day and even now, I wonder if I made it worse for the kid.

     I also heard a mother screaming at her children all over the store (Walmart) and when they came into view I was so angry.  I told her to stop  treating her children that way.  I was calm when I spoke to her but also visibly upset.  She looked at me and asked if I was talking to her.  I told her I was.  I could see her take a breath and try to regain control, but I could see how dead the children's eyes were.  This was a regular event.

     As a teacher, I would stand out in the hall at the end of the day and supervise as parents picked up their children. Each day, there would be a young man who would lean against the wall waiting to pick up one of my kids.  Everyday, I would look him in the eyes and say hello.  At this particular school, I thought all of the parents were kind of scary looking and so was this guy.  Then, one day that student wasn't in school.  I got called into the principal's office and they queried me about my student.  Had he been acting strange?  Was he bruised?  I had no idea what had happened.  Then they told me that the man I saw everyday had killed my student's 2 year old brother.  I found out that he had been abusing the little baby for over two months.  The death had been drawn out over that time.

I know all of you have stories too.  So, what should the writer of the letter have done?  What should we do when we see this behavior?  I think she did everything that any professional would have told her to do.  I think the police and CYFD were negligent as all hell.  She gave them the license plate number.  Couldn't they track the address from there?  

I really couldn't help but think about the people on the plane that got hijacked on 9/11.  They got together as a group and took the plane back.  They took the power back.  Why couldn't 40 people do that to prevent these children from getting hurt worse?  Here in Hawaii, children are everything.  So is family.  This behavior is not common.  But drugs have become part of the landscape.  They call it "ICE".  It's a form of meth.  Anytime I see this type of behavior or hear about it, I think to myself, I bet drugs and alcohol were involved. And I bet they were this time too.

According to a Yahoo contributor, Christine Travis, the man in our story has taken things to a new extreme. She says that it is likely the abuse is worse at home.  She says that calling the police is a good strategy but a better one is to call store security and recruit their help in stalling the parent as you contact CYFD.  Supposedly CYFD will evaluate the situation and provide the parent and child with services or intervene in some way.  

I don't know what the right answer is. But please, take time to compliment parents who are being kind to their children.  Take time to do something for children everyday if you can.  Take flowers to CYFD where they see the worst of the worst and work so hard.  Please read Christine's advice on this link. And please take the time to post on my site and share your stories and advice.  We all want to be better.  Desmond Tutu said that we are appalled by this type of behavior because most of us are good.  If we weren't good we wouldn't be appalled.

What to do when you witness child abuse

Please comment by using the anonymous option or emailing me at amaracudney@gmail.com.